SelfCare...my take.

Ok let's talk about SELFcare shall we? Now it may seem like a trend or something that's cool to embrace, but personally this is a part of my lifestyle. I am a big advocate and supporter of SELFcare, being a Mental Health Counselor, I take this very seriously and it's important to me. So important, in fact, that I have designed T-shirts aimed at SELFcare and have dedicated proceeds to assist an individual with their Mental Health treatment if finances seems to be an issue ;-). 

I want to start off by letting you know that SELFcare is totally individual, it's not a "one size fits all" type of practice. SELFcare can mean different things to different people, but at the heart of it all, it is NOT selfish and it's intentional. So where do you start?

A lot of us already practice SELFcare, we just may call it something else; it's physical though. Identify what activities you like to do that make you feel good or happy; again it's individual and personal. SELFcare is and can be quite intentional; spend more time if necessary to carve out time to take care of yourself; be kind to yourself. Listen to your body, because it will let you know certain clues like when you're stressed, hurt, tired, fatigued, excitable, etc. I choose to exercise, eat more healthy when I feel that urge to do so; my body usually lets me know lol, refrain from negativity and/or distance myself from it be it temporary or long term, pamper myself (doing my nails, getting them done, or getting a massage.) 

One of the key things that I had to re-learn and then be ok with is saying "No" and also knowing when to say "No" as well. At times I've felt obligated to say yes to people or felt like "No" wasn't an appropriate option, but that's so not true, and it's nothing against others or being mean, which tends to be the mindset of some, but it has everything to do with me being self aware and not taking on too much or being a "yes (wo)man." Believe it or not, there is so much freedom in taking better care of yourself and again.... SELFcare isn't selfish, as a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite! It's an unselfish act of being the best YOU that YOU can be for yourself and others as a result.

Kemi Definition:

SELFcare~ Giving yourself permission to unapologetically take care of yourself; mind, body, and spirit via activities and/or coping skills. 

Pretty straight forward!

Be Blessed Friends.

SELFcare Tee

Fake Love?

I've heard all types of sayings and read memes about "Fake Love" and those who show fake love, blah, blah, blah...but it's nothing new right?! Honestly, back in the day, we called it being "fake" or "not real".  I have a name I like to use..."plastic" or I'll just say "not genuine." I know it seems like I have been on this topic somewhat before, but goes to show where my frustration lies, I have a thing for genuine and authentic people though. You can be f*ed up or just having a bad day, or even having an awesome day but I love the authentic energy I get from a person and I can work with that. 

One thing I have realized within the past couple of years, because I decided to pay more attention to it; which I consider a good and bad thing smh, is that there are individuals that dislike you or have an issue with you because of the way that others love you! Now read it again if ya need to......ok, back? Yes, as weird as that sounds, it's very true. You have to remember and really know that has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with that individual. Look at it like this, a person who is unhappy with themselves and their own life, cannot be happy for another person genuinely...it's a struggle bus forreal. So if those individuals that are unhappy with themselves see characteristics in another person or persons that are received well by others and they in a sense "want what you have"..we tend to call that coveting, but you get the point, then it makes that person feel some type of way. Those individuals are still deserving of Love though and will even do their best to show you Love too; even if they don't necessarily feel it, they tried.

Don't do like I did and put blame on yourself, thinking it was something that you may have done wrong and internally struggle with the thought that you may have caused this person's unhappiness, then get upset when you can't figure it out and then spew their same unhappiness right back (check yourself); after all misery loves company right? because the fact of the matter is YOU didn't, even if blame is placed on you...don't take it, you can't afford it. One of the many sayings that has always stuck with me is "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm" #fact. It's not an attack or  a reason to be mean, it's a declaration to yourself and others that its not your job to sacrifice your "being" to make someone else feel better about themselves. If you choose to do so, that is a personal choice. 

(However, if you are the cause or person to blame for someone's unhappiness, then the above wouldn't necessarily apply and a conversation should be had.)

I say all of this to say, keep being bomb af, identify your "people" and keep them around, make new friends, mend relationships if necessary, keep spewing your "good vibes" around, remain positive as much as possible, and if you can't take care of your SELF, don't tell yourself negative things that aren't true, even if others give you a negative script, you don't have to rehearse that to yourself. Spread Love and not Hate.

Ageism .....ughh

Believe it or not, I experience Ageism; notice the verbiage, is present tense smh because it happens and has happened a good amount of times, meh. Look, I can't help the fact that I look relatively young or have a "young" face, it's a blessing from God :-) thank you genes lol 

As a mental health counselor in the field, I can remember a time when I was working at a private mental health agency, I was meeting with a new client and received and reviewed the paperwork prior to finally meeting the client, who was a minor, so I would have to meet with the client's parent first and foremost prior to counseling the client. I remember after finishing up the initial assessment and setting up the next appointment, I received word from the receptionist at the time that the client's mother requested that he see a much older therapist, her exact words were, "she may be too young and attractive to counsel my son." At first I was upset about it, but then I was like, "well it's her decision to do so and she has that right." Imagine how that made me feel in that moment though?! At the time I didn't view it as Ageism either, oddly enough. 

I know that my physical appearance; how I look plays a part in my profession and have at times worn articles of clothing just to appease the "masses" and have worn makeup even on days I don't feel like it in order to "look" more mature smh, that was soon short-lived though, because I decided that the right clients will place value in their treatment versus how the therapist looks... I'm saying  that loosely because as long as I'm not dressed or look inappropriate then All should be well, right?! ...Wrong! 

I recently had a new client, who was an older male, refer to me as "young lady", he is actually in his mid 40s, but didn't call me by my name like my other clients do. Here is the thing, there is a certain level of respect that goes both ways in the counselor-client relationship and then there are subtle ways a client  can and will let you know that he/she doesn't respect you yet or he/she doesnt at all...Being that he was a new client, I went ahead and reiterated and gracefully let the client know to refer to me as Kemi in going further just to set the expectation for him clearly...Just so you know it was received well. 

I no longer work for an agency doing contract work, I work for myself; I have my own private practice providing mental health counseling...And guess what, I wear what I want! that's appropriate of course. I let my clients know ahead of time if it's their first encounter with me that therapy is not like what you see on TV necessarily and I don't wear business attire, because at the end of the day I don't want to appear unapproachable or "untouchable" and sitting behind a desk with a suit on doesn't quite do it for me; my clients appreciate that about me ! 

I'd rather be judged for the type of care or treatment you receive from me versus how young I look; because age as we know it isn't the biggest determining factor of the type of knowledge you will receive either. #fact 

continuation.. Trying to Remain Authentic

As we know, being Authentic isn't always about exactly what you say, but how you say things too. I am my most Authentic when I'm being true to my emotions; if i'm not doing good one day then you may hear me say, "Man, i'm just maintaining," or "today is just one of those days," or "just pray for me." I am learning that it is okay to not be okay, contrary to popular belief. 

Being a Mental Health Counselor comes with its own sets of challenges and sometimes struggles, but I make sure that I am practicing what I am "preaching," being transparent so they see that example and they too will want to be vulnerable and open as it will only help them in future sessions. 

What I have learned in these past years for the most part is that when I am vulnerable with others, it allow others to also be vulnerable and comfortable. That to me, is a gift that keeps on giving!

Trying to remain Authentic.

In a world where everybody seems to be overly sensitive or easily offended by everything it seems, or where you are surrounded by "plastic" individuals, it can be hard to be Authentic or to embrace your Authenticity; I understand and empathize with YOU. I hate to say it, but social media does a good job at perpetuating this here phenomenon unfortunately...Do I really need to go into detail about that??? HOWever....I won't put the blame on social media alone, but the foundation was set from how we grew up as well; our environment, peer groups, etc. In order for those that know me to know how I got to be who I am now, you got to understand "what" I came from.

I wasn't always like this; a little forthcoming, honest, firm in my truth....but i'm grateful for every life experience which has both hurt and helped me in some capacity, of course I can appreciate it now.

Being "real" is often used synonymously with "Authentic", and there is a way you can be Real without being Obnoxious; consider the feelings of others even when you are being true to yourself and others. On the other hand, not everyone responds well to your Truth, sadly enough. However, that's not your problem; as the saying goes "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." You don't need to give unsolicited opinions or your views on whatever it is, or being careless with your words for the sake of "being real" either, that's being obnoxious and that's counterproductive! 

Whenever someone asks me a question, depending on who it is, the next words that come out of my mouth are "Do you want me to tell you the truth?" I ask that because I am aware that there are those who want a person that will cosign their feelings or agree in favor to whatever the concern is. When you ask me a question, you are giving me an option to respond in favor to you or not in favor, that's my right. However, when someone asks me a question or wants my advice or input on something and they EXPECT me to respond in favor of their stance on something or their viewpoint...you are trying to take away my autonomy and that makes me uncomfortable and it shows me the character of that person as well. 

At the end of the day, I would rather be disliked for my honestly and/or Authenticity versus being liked for an UnTruth #fact. 

If you are one that craves for Authenticity and you yourself fight an internal battle at times with expressing your Truth and Authenticity, let me encourage you to KEEP being YOU; unapologetically your Authentic self without being Obnoxious; because that's possible. 

Your Authenticity is the breeding ground for your Genuineness. 

I'm just glad to be here :-)

K.Huntley