Making friends as an adult is hard AF

What's your definition of a friend? I have my own perspective of what a friend is to me, which has changed from when I was in highschool or even college I guess. Now, for me the issue isn't necessarily getting to know someone and possibly even exchanging numbers and maybe send a text here or there, that's cool, but that's not necessarily a cultivated "friendship". The reason why I think it's hard, is because people aren't willing to make the sacrifices or I should say take the time to cultivate friendships these days, and then add to that equation motherhood, wife, business woman, and entrepreneur 🤦🏽‍♀️ It's tough out here. I am sure people may assume I'm too busy, or I can't get out the house, or that I have so many friends than I can keep up with...ALL WRONG! 

There are certain things that I look for in a friend now that I never really cared much for before, for example a person who is genuine, like seriously! I need that like I need my favorite snack! Sheesh lol that is so hard to find these days or maybe I'm in the wrong places? Lol I jokingly told my husband that I was going to post a "friend application" and see what happens lol...FYI, I wouldn't do that but still... 😂 

Having community makes life more enjoyable, we aren't meant to walk through life alone or with just our significant other, and that is something I learned quickly when I became a wife and then business owner and mother. I'm being super vulnerable by saying that I wished that I could say that I am apart of the sisterhood narrative...but honestly I'm not. I mean no disrespect to the individuals in my life that I speak to occasionally or when things happen in their lives and they trust my input, but at this age and season of my life I desire friendships where we can learn from each other, pray for each other, be open/vulnerable, have fun, be connected spiritually and intellectuaLLY! Nothing wrong going out and having a good time, but I need balance, can we have heartfelt convos about life though?! Do our energies vibe?! There's nothing wrong with commenting under my posts on social media or liking  my pics. But that doesn't equal a friendship in real life...do we talk apart from social media? 

Now Don't get me wrong, I also play a part in this too! I haven't always reached out consistently to those that consider us friends, and yes there are times I have been busy and sadly I tend to guard myself from people who "always have a need" they need filled, whether it's by me or someone else.  I also don't like to feel like I'm bothering you, by taking initiatives to set up a day/time to hang or to chat; IF my initiatives pretty much result in nothing, then I typically just give that person space. But let me reiterate, I don't desire to have superficial friendships or ones with no depth or substance, I don't mind meeting new people and hanging out here and there, but as far as a friendship that looks different to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Now I thought that being friends with someone who is in a similar or the same stage(s) of life as me would be seemingly easier, but not necessarily in my opinion, I don't think it matters a wholllllleee lot just depends on the type of person I'd befriend right?! And their intentions are good...confused? Let me explain, I once befriended a woman , although about 10 years older than me, we hit it off, we were not in the same stages of life, except that we were both business owners, but as time went on I'd notice the comments she would make about my Life, or how she perceived it rather, as if I should feel bad or feel bad for her ....it came off sometimes as envy, now whether or not that was the case I am not exactly sure, but long story short I had to distance myself from that "friendship," now before you think "oh you didn't address it with her?!" I actually tried and that's what made me decide that there was nothing I could do to change her situation or perspective, it was CLEAR. 

Now it took me a looooonnnngggg time to finally decide to write this blog, I didnt want to, but felt like I needed to, I don't want to send the message that I'm a loner and I have zero companionships, but there is a difference for me between a friendship or friendships and people that I just occasionally speak to/hangout with/speak with..etc. I feel like that's a step above associate but not necessarily a friendship lol, you feel me?!

It's been awhile...Grinding

Sheesh it has been awhile since I last posted a blog, forgive me for I have been GRINDING...

Speaking of grinding, and not just grinding but prioritizing has been a skill I had to and still am learning to maintain in my everyday routine. I have had moments of tunnel vision, where I'm just focused on my business and mommy mode that I sometimes don't realize that I haven't interacted socially in REAL life lol 

See the thing about being an Entrepreneur or Business Woman, I'm learning that it comes with sacrifices, and it ain't for everybody that's for sure! I will have people in my life that aren't as understanding as well, which I can't totally blame them per se, but if you understand what I have going on and the roles I take on, then my hope is that he/she will understand. 

I am also learning that I am supported more by people I don't know and that's great to know that those individuals don't have to know me personally to support something they like! I don't harp or focus on who isn't supporting me, because to me it doesn't really matter to me, my brand and product will be recognized and supported by those that choose to or want to support and that's the GOAL!

Entrepreneurship can be a beautiful mess sometimes; dig the oxymoron, but it's also so liberating to know that it's YOUR business and you can clock in and clock out whenever you wish, but my hope is that you actually clock out at some point and pour back into yourself, which I have had to do as necessary. I've said this before, but You can't pour from an Empty cup...you gotta practice SELFcare.

Yes, I'm a Therapist and I Broke Down and Cried

So yesterday, I had a moment. I noticed I hadn't been feeling my complete self and it was a series of not so helpful thoughts and experiences that triggered those not so helpful thoughts, that I was tooooo busy to manage....that I realized were making me feel defeated. 

I cried...it was one of those types of cries that felt good to release but at the same time cathartic. I then began to pray, I read a devotional,  I group texted my "sistahs" and asked them to pray for me, I stepped away from social media temporarily, and I went to my kickboxing gym to workout. Without going into full detail about what events precipitated my breakdown, I'd just like to say that sometimes I get reminders that I am certainly not in control and I had to step back and connect with my source, God and really just take a mental break, even if it's for just a little bit. I purposely took time away from posting on social media for the rest of the day and it felt good to step away even for a little bit. 

Writing blogs is like journaling for me, but I was intentional about writing this blog, because I realize that there are people who don't think that therapists or counselors have issues, struggles, challenges, "moments"....and maybe not "literally" think that, because that would also imply we aren't human, but that it's not something that happens hardly at all, because for the simple fact that we are Therapists/Counselors; who spend a lot of our time counseling others, because we have "things" figured out. Not true. I hurt just like anyone would, I sometimes have negative self talk, I get angry, I cry when I'm emotionally moved, I experience happiness; I experience a full range of emotions! 

Sometimes, I have to utilize the skills I teach my clients on myself! I try to "practice what I teach" and also it allows me to  understand also how difficult it could be for my clients to also use the same skills and tools they learn in my sessions. 

Let me just say that there is no therapist/counselor on earth that is far above or exempt from experiencing issues themselves, we are human and we have our "moments" too. 

Even therapists need therapy from time to time, to make sure we are ok to continue on in this line of work :-) That support is nice to have. Just like when I contacted my "support" in my time of need, which is something I encourage my clients to have outside of Me (as their therapist), I need it for myself as well. 

I have different roles that I take on, and sometimes it can get overwhelming, but SELFcare is my medicine for life, and I will continue to use it until I can't any longer. 

<<<<Shoutout to all my Therapist friends and colleagues near and far. 

Why SELFcare Tees???

First, let me say that if you have purchased a SELFcare Tee already, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have been asked a handful of times, how did I come up with this T shirt design? What made me want to start selling T shirts? What was the inspiration behind the message?

Hopefully, this blog can answer those questions for you wondering, but also encourage me to further my pursuit of reaching as many people as possible. So like I've stated before, selfcare for me wasn't something that was trendy or the hip, cool thing to do. It was embedded in my current lifestyle for a very good reason. As many of you know, I am a Mental Heath Counselor and I have experienced burn out on a small scale, but it's still all the same and negatively affected me to which I had to change my routine around some to make sure I was still able to stay in this line of work. In a previous blog, I explain what SELFcare is, check it out!

I remember sitting on my couch at my house, pregnant and all thinking of something to post on my business IG page and it just hit me and stuck with me "I'm not selfish, it's called selfcare" I think there has been a misconception that if you make yourself  a priority, that you are being selfish, and I don't subscribe to that, especially not in this season of my life. As a mom, Mental Health Counselor, Wife, Volunteer, Entrepreneur it's important I don't over exert myself in all of those roles that I play. My husband thought it would be a good idea to make that quote a T shirt design and sell it. At first I was a little hesitant, because I didn't know if people would buy into it or even buy the T shirt! Boy was I wrong, lol but trust me that's a GREAAAAT thing! I wanted to give back to the community in some way and not just sell the shirts to make a profit. I decided that I wanted to donate 10% of the proceeds from shirt sales to an individual that may have a hard time paying for therapy, their medication, or some other related mental health treatment. I am pretty big on "donation" as I also run a private practice that offers donation based counseling, so it made sense to me to continue on with that in mind. 

I quickly realized that the message of the T shirts resonates with so many people all over the country and even other countries! I love that it inspires others to be more intentional about caring for themselves; being kind to his/her self. My whole intention was to sell a T shirt that others will actually want to wear; thats meaningful all while giving back. Its funny how the path of your life can change just by making one decision, I do not believe this was by chance, this was all a part of God's Plan :-) In the same way I did not see myself owning my own private practice, I didn't see SelfcareBelle being a brand and selling T shirts that resonates with so many people all over the world. Thank you for your support, it means the world to me.

I'm not done yet, I'm just getting started! New design in the making??!

Be encouraged and Spread Love.

@selfcarebelle

check out this cheesy smile lol

12 practices that promotes Inner Peace and Happiness

1. Apologize as necessary--Life is too short.

2. Forgive others-- Being gracious is a gift from God.

3. Participate in pleasurable activities -- Doing something you enjoy doing always sounds nice, right?

4. Exercise -- Those "happy" hormones start kicking in!

5. Smile--You look great and feel great doing it :-)

6. Laughter--Its medicine for the SOUL.

7. Socialize with Friends and Loved ones--Go where you are loved and welcomed and not Tolerated.

8. BE Authentic--Be true to who you are and what you feel, the ones who don't matter Mind,  and the ones who matter Don't Mind.

9. Self-awareness is Golden--Check In with yourself as necessary, be in tune with yourself In all aspects.

10. Practice Patience-- Be not only patient with yourself but with others (I'm still working on this one)

11.  Understanding--The power of Understanding is Awesome!

12. Positive SELFtalk-- Positive talk promotes positive vibes.